- love, care, consistency, continuity and connection.
- to feel safe in the world.
- to know that there are people in their lives who are there for them.
- to be allowed to grieve. We should be there for them as they experience their pain instead of trying to hide the death or shield them from the pain.
- us to respect where they are in their grief. All feelings should be validated. Everyone grieves in his own way and in his own time. Loss involves not only the death of the loved one, but the changes in life due to the loss.
- simple, truthful, age-appropriate information. Too much information can be confusing. Find out what they know. Allow them to ask questions that they want answered.
- us to listen to them carefully so we may understand how they are feeling and to be able to clear up fears, misconceptions or misinformation.
- us to know that they want to be included, not excluded from the truth.
- us to be authentic and share our feelings with them also. They learn by watching how we deal with loss.
- us to help them keep a connection with their loved one who has died. Give them the opportunity to remember, and share your memories with them also.
- us to know that they grieve sporadically and will grieve the loss through each developmental stage.
- us to challenge magical thinking.
- us to help them understand that going-on does not mean forgetting or loving the person who died any less. Going-on honors the person who died because as long as we remember, the memories never die.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
What do children need?
Children need:
Books, Videos and Websites
BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
Loss: And How to Cope with It. J.E. Bernstein. Clarion, 1977.
Badger’s Parting Gift. Susan Barley. Mulberry Books, 1984. Old Badger gives parting gifts to his friends.
Don’t Despair on Thursdays. A. Moser. Landmark Editions, Inc. 1996. Children’s grief management.
Everett Anderson’s Goodbye. Lucille Clifton. Henry Holt, 1983. Picture book that goes through the stages of grief in few words and big pictures.
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf. Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D. Slack, 1983. Nature provides a metaphor to teach about the changes that naturally occur in life and death.
I had a Friend Named Peter: Talking to Children about the Death of a Friend. Janice Cohn, DSW. William Morrow and Company, 1987. Betsy’s friend Peter has been struck by a car and killed. Her parents explain death and what will happen.
I’ll Miss You Mr. Hooper. Stiles, Mathieu, Henson, CTW. Random House for young readers, 1984. Big Bird goes through the same emotions and questions that we, especially children, may have after someone close dies. This opens wonderful dialogue for children to express feelings.
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children. Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen. Bantam Books, 1993. Natural lifetimes in all creatures and the fact that sometimes those lives are cut short by accident.
Nana Upstairs & Nana Downstairs. Tomie DePaola. Putnam Publishing Group, 2000. After the death of his beloved great-grandmother, a young boy learns that she will live on in his memory of her.
Remember the Secret. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Celestial Arts. A book about death and grief with religious background and message.
The Tenth Good Thing about Barney. Judith Viorst. Aladdin Paperbacks, 1971. A book about death and the sad feelings of a little girl who with the help of her father comes to terms with the death of her cat.
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death. Laurie Krasny Brown and Mark Brown. Little, Brown and Company, 1996. A multicultural look at dying and the customs that surround it.
Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing. Pat Schweibert, Chuck DeKlyen, Taylor Bills.
BOOKS FOR ADULTS
Talking with Children About Loss Words, Strategies, and Wisdom to Help Children Cope with Death, Divorce, and Other Difficult Times by Maria Trozzi with Kathy Massimini Foreword by T. Berry Brazelton, MD - See more at:
http://www.bmc.org/pediatrics goodgrief/talkingwithchildrenaboutloss.htm#sthash.Pq0GD792.dpuf
Guiding Your Child Through Grief. M. Emswiler. Bantam, 2000. Identifies typical grief reactions by age.
Helping Children Cope with Death. Donna Schuurman. The Dougy Center for Grieving Children, 1998. Guidebook that provides a comprehensive overview of how children grieve and suggestions to support them.
Parenting Through Crisis: Helping Kids in Time of Loss, Grief and Change. B. Coloroso. Harpers Resources, 2001. Sooner or later all families are faced with crisis. This book provides information on how to cope with different crisis.
Talking About Death: A Dialogue between Parent and Child. Earl Grollman. Beacon Press, 1991. Guide to helping children cope with death. Includes a read-a-long story, discussion of coping with the child’s anger, denial and guilt and how to talk about funerals, cemeteries and grief.
VIDEOS
After the Tears, A Gentle Guide to Help Children Understand Death. (2000). G Rating. Children are taught about death, the process of death, what it means to grieve and how our faith will sustain us in the difficult times.
Charlotte’s Web (2003). G Rating. Special relationships between Wilber the pig, Charlotte the spider and Templeton the rat.
Good Grief, Charlie Brown. (2002). NR Rating. Linus and the twisted tale of his security blanket. Everything bad happens … and yet, Linus can’t give up his blanket.
Iron Giant. (1999). G Rating. A young boy befriends a giant robot. The Iron giant is a misunderstood outsider who becomes the child’s best friend.
Lion King. (1995). G Rating. Lion cub is sent to exile after his father is killed by a rival uncle. The little hero finds his way to “The Circle of Life” with new friends.
Finding Nemo. (2003). G Rating. Nemo is captured by a scuba diver. His father, a nervous Nellie clownfish, sets off in the vast ocean to find him.
Loss: And How to Cope with It. J.E. Bernstein. Clarion, 1977.
Badger’s Parting Gift. Susan Barley. Mulberry Books, 1984. Old Badger gives parting gifts to his friends.
Don’t Despair on Thursdays. A. Moser. Landmark Editions, Inc. 1996. Children’s grief management.
Everett Anderson’s Goodbye. Lucille Clifton. Henry Holt, 1983. Picture book that goes through the stages of grief in few words and big pictures.
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf. Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D. Slack, 1983. Nature provides a metaphor to teach about the changes that naturally occur in life and death.
I had a Friend Named Peter: Talking to Children about the Death of a Friend. Janice Cohn, DSW. William Morrow and Company, 1987. Betsy’s friend Peter has been struck by a car and killed. Her parents explain death and what will happen.
I’ll Miss You Mr. Hooper. Stiles, Mathieu, Henson, CTW. Random House for young readers, 1984. Big Bird goes through the same emotions and questions that we, especially children, may have after someone close dies. This opens wonderful dialogue for children to express feelings.
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children. Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen. Bantam Books, 1993. Natural lifetimes in all creatures and the fact that sometimes those lives are cut short by accident.
Nana Upstairs & Nana Downstairs. Tomie DePaola. Putnam Publishing Group, 2000. After the death of his beloved great-grandmother, a young boy learns that she will live on in his memory of her.
Remember the Secret. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Celestial Arts. A book about death and grief with religious background and message.
The Tenth Good Thing about Barney. Judith Viorst. Aladdin Paperbacks, 1971. A book about death and the sad feelings of a little girl who with the help of her father comes to terms with the death of her cat.
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death. Laurie Krasny Brown and Mark Brown. Little, Brown and Company, 1996. A multicultural look at dying and the customs that surround it.
Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing. Pat Schweibert, Chuck DeKlyen, Taylor Bills.
BOOKS FOR ADULTS
Talking with Children About Loss Words, Strategies, and Wisdom to Help Children Cope with Death, Divorce, and Other Difficult Times by Maria Trozzi with Kathy Massimini Foreword by T. Berry Brazelton, MD - See more at:
http://www.bmc.org/pediatrics goodgrief/talkingwithchildrenaboutloss.htm#sthash.Pq0GD792.dpuf
Guiding Your Child Through Grief. M. Emswiler. Bantam, 2000. Identifies typical grief reactions by age.
Helping Children Cope with Death. Donna Schuurman. The Dougy Center for Grieving Children, 1998. Guidebook that provides a comprehensive overview of how children grieve and suggestions to support them.
Parenting Through Crisis: Helping Kids in Time of Loss, Grief and Change. B. Coloroso. Harpers Resources, 2001. Sooner or later all families are faced with crisis. This book provides information on how to cope with different crisis.
Talking About Death: A Dialogue between Parent and Child. Earl Grollman. Beacon Press, 1991. Guide to helping children cope with death. Includes a read-a-long story, discussion of coping with the child’s anger, denial and guilt and how to talk about funerals, cemeteries and grief.
VIDEOS
After the Tears, A Gentle Guide to Help Children Understand Death. (2000). G Rating. Children are taught about death, the process of death, what it means to grieve and how our faith will sustain us in the difficult times.
Charlotte’s Web (2003). G Rating. Special relationships between Wilber the pig, Charlotte the spider and Templeton the rat.
Good Grief, Charlie Brown. (2002). NR Rating. Linus and the twisted tale of his security blanket. Everything bad happens … and yet, Linus can’t give up his blanket.
Iron Giant. (1999). G Rating. A young boy befriends a giant robot. The Iron giant is a misunderstood outsider who becomes the child’s best friend.
Lion King. (1995). G Rating. Lion cub is sent to exile after his father is killed by a rival uncle. The little hero finds his way to “The Circle of Life” with new friends.
Finding Nemo. (2003). G Rating. Nemo is captured by a scuba diver. His father, a nervous Nellie clownfish, sets off in the vast ocean to find him.
Helpful Links
When Someone Close to Your Child Dies Suddenly: A Guide for Parents
Somebody in My Friend’s Family Died: What Can I do to Help
http://www.kidshealth.org/kid/What parents, caregivers, and educators need to know to help grieving children through the mourning and bereavement process. - See more at: http://www.bmc.org/pediatrics-goodgrief/talkingwithchildrenaboutloss.htm#sthash.Pq0GD792.dpufhttp
"Today's children face grief and loss issues we never dreamed of..." www.childrensgrief.net
"... practical support and guidance to families, professionals and anyone concerned about a grieving child." www.winstonswish.org.uk
"KIDSAID...is a safe place for kids to share and to help each other deal with grief about of their losses." www.kidsaid.com
A collection of resources - www.growthhouse.org
Documents, Resources, and Tools smhp.psych.ucla.edu/qf/p3003_01.htm
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