What do children need?

Children need:

• love, care, consistency, continuity and connection.
• to feel safe in the world.
• to know that there are people in their lives who are there for them.
• to be allowed to grieve.  We should be there for them as they experience their pain instead of trying to  hide the death or shield them from the pain.
• us to respect where they are in their grief.  All feelings should be validated.  Everyone grieves in his own way and in his own time.  Loss involves not only the death of the loved one, but the changes in life due to the loss.
• simple, truthful, age-appropriate information.  Too much information can be confusing.  Find out what they know.  Allow them to ask questions that they want answered.
• us to listen to them carefully so we may understand how they are feeling and to be able to clear up fears, misconceptions or misinformation.
• us to know that they want to be included, not excluded from the truth.
• us to be authentic and share our feelings with them also.  They learn by watching how we deal with loss.
• us to help them keep a connection with their loved one who has died.  Give them the opportunity to remember, and share your memories with them also.
• us to know that they grieve sporadically and will grieve the loss through each developmental stage.
• us to challenge magical thinking.
• us to help them understand that going-on does not mean forgetting or loving the person who died any less.  Going-on honors the person who died because as long as we remember, the memories never die.